Have you ever felt a lack of control over your own life? I've never felt that way until recently. Probably because I didn't have a sense of self for the most part of my life. This sudden revelation is not because a pandemic has swallowed the whole world and forced us into our own homes. When the idea of marriage as the next step in life, is put forth so innocently in an otherwise harmless conversation, it strikes you. You start seeing yourself as an individual, apart from the group. You see how effortlessly you managed to pull off the obedient kid drama."No.. no.. who told you are obedient? When were you obedient? You are not the good kid we assumed to be. Instead, you turn out to be a girl who talks back to her elders. You better mind that tone of yours. Always speaking unnecessarily. Good girls speak only when spoken to."Oh, I'm sorry, I won't do that again, I promise. But you know you would break that one.
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Never have I felt like a person capable enough to take a decision on my own. There are always people around you, who know what's good for you. People with vast experience and knowledge, who have seen life and embraced it with such grace. Oh, wait. I can't see them anymore. I see dark circles, leathery skin, tired soul, oh there it is! right behind their eyes, I can see ghosts that feed on souls; lurking around to feed on the leftovers, remnants of who they used to be once. I see regrets, penitence, and obedience. My lips swallow the words, I smile at them, then slowly turn around. I hear a sigh. I resist the urge to turn back and walk slowly. A tangerine light draws me to it from somewhere around the corner, so I keep walking.
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